Fear and Trust

When you tell someone in Costa Rica that you work in Carpio and live in Pavas they shudder and ask why. These two towns, Carpio in particular, have reputations for being places where bad things happen and where police are constantly around. To me these places are home. Maybe it is ignorance, maybe it is simply a defense mechanism, and maybe it is trust in God but I am not afraid when I am in Carpio and Pavas.
I was only afraid once and that was when we took the wrong bus to a shady part of town but the bus driver was super nice and we got home safe and sound. This sort of fear is natural and fine as long as it doesn’t consume you but more recently I have felt a different kind of fear. It’s the fear of the unknown. But not in the typical recent-college-grad-doesn’t-know-where-she-will-work-the-rest-of-her-life but something different. This fear of the unknown is the fear of what God will ask me to do in the future.
I’ve been reading Oswald Chambers book My Utmost for His Highest as a morning devotional…amazing little book and I highly recommend it…as long as you’re willing to be challenged. A couple of quotes that really have stood out to me are the following:
“No enthusiasm will ever stand the strain that Jesus Christ will put upon His worker, only one thing will, and that is a personal relationship to Himself which has gone through the mill of His spring cleaning until there is only one purpose left—I am here for God to send me where He will.”
Sometimes I worry what that spring cleaning will look like in my life. Which of my desires will God mold and change, however painfully, so that I become the person he has designed me to be?
And this quote,
“God does not ask us to do the things that are easy to us naturally; He only asks us to do the things we are perfectly fitted to do by His grace, and the cross will come along that line always”.
God doesn’t ever tell us that life will be easy. I love the verse Jeremiah 29:11…”For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” And 29:13… “You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.” But the more I cling to that verse and the more I see the world around me and the more I pray and read about God the more my perspective begins to change. I don’t see it anymore as a promise that God will grant me a comfortable living filled with prosperity. I don’t read “not to harm you” and think that my life will always be safe and comfortable. I read “plans to give you a hope and a future” as a promise that He will not forget me and that he has a purpose for my life. And when I read verse 13, I see an important truth that I have often over looked in the past…I will find God when I seek Him. A relationship with God is not a one way street. I can’t put him on the back burner and call on him only when I need a hand or when I’m nervous about something. Following God is not a part time job, it’s a full time/ life time commitment. And that scares me like crazy. I have never really understood when people say to fear the Lord. Why would I fear the one who created me and who has great plans for my future? OF COURSE I SHOULD! Who knows what sort of crazy thing He might ask of me if I follow him!
And this is where my mini-epiphany came in today. Despite my fear, I trust Him. He won’t always take me on the easy road. He may not show me more than one step at a time in the grand scheme of my life. But I trust Him. Completely.
So despite my uncertainty, my nerves, my fear, and the general lack of a game plan for the rest of my life. I trust God. He has plans…to prosper me…maybe in a way I can’t even fathom right now. He has plans not to harm me…he won’t ever abandon me in the difficult times. He has plans to give me a hope…even when all seems lost…I will find hope. He has plans to give me a future…a wild and unpredictable and unknown future that will always include Him.
And so…I Fear the Lord…and I trust Him with all that I am.
And I look forward to the unknown. Because it is all in His hands.
Joshua 1:9: Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous; do not be afraid, for the Lord your God will be with you where ever you go.
Que Dios Le bendiga!
KT